Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Empty

Dear friends and family, I am back from crazy land. It has been over a month since I checked in with you all. In that time, I have bought my son his first official pair of walking shoes, lost my daughter (for under a minute) in a grocery store (with all 4 family members at the store!), and completely weaned my son. I have also managed to pull off a one night get away with a girl friend. So, it's been big.

When I say I am back from crazy land, I am being completely honest. I had a hard time weaning the little guy. It made us both sad and it made me a tad nuts. I had been dreading the experience as I knew it was hard on me the first time (even though the babe had been totally ready). But I didn't know exactly how hard it would be with a child who wasn't supportive of the idea of moving permanently to a sippy cup. We did it really gradually and I tried to be as kind and loving with the process as possible. With every feeding I cut, I was a little sadder, until I was left with only one.

I did not know when I would do it, but after a particularly hard few days (like I said, I was kinda nuts), I decided it was time for me to say goodbye to this part of our life. It was time for the last feeding (the sacred "going to sleep" one). On a Saturday night, just over 2 weeks ago, I called down to my husband during the little guy's bath time, and asked if he could bring up a sippy cup of soy milk. I proceeded to get the little guy ready, read him some stories, feed him his soy milk, and lay him down to sleep. I was holding back my tears, as I acknowledged that this part of our life together was over. Indeed, this was the end of breastfeeding for me. If I had known it was the last time on the Friday night, I would never have been able to leave the room. The little guy had his moment of crying but after a few nights, he seemed to have our new routine down.

So, we move on, we move forward and we work to regain, and maintain our balance. Weaning the little guy left me so unbalanced I just hadn't felt like blogging. But now that it's been a few weeks, and I am getting the hormones and my body back on track, I am going to recommit (yet again), to my writing. I miss it and perhaps it would have helped me get through all the emotions and chaos if I had written over the past month. But I honestly just wanted it to pass and didn't want to drag you through the drama.

The little guy is doing well, and has fully embraced the sippy cup. He no longer comes to me pulling at my shirt and loves all the stories we now read at bed time. I am so relieved that the little guy has made the necessary adjustments and I know he is stronger for it. He had a good 15 month run and I am proud of our accomplishment. With 27 months of breastfeeding and 18 months of pregnancy under my belt, I am ready for our next steps.

Hope this finds you all well my dear readers. Happy Spring. Here's to new beginnings.